ramune...

Yeah, Ramune... technically it was made to impersonate lemonade, only its is a light, fizzy soft drink and it is available in a variety of flavors and produced by several companies. I like it quite a bit and have had most of the flavors, as you can see, this one was green apple flavor and it was quite nice. I like them better chilled, but will drink them at room temperature without batting an eye. Some of your local Asian food shops should have some in stock but they can be ordered online from a number of sources. I love the shape of the bottle and how it opens; both unlike anything I've seen before. I thought the original Orangina bottles were pretty cool, but I had to save a couple of these. i recommend trying a flavored version first before getting the plain, if at all. It isn't that it's bad, but why get original of anything if there are flavors available, right? Cheers/kampai!

red ninja - end of honor...

This is the most recent game I have played on my PS2. Currently I am stuck on the final boss and Youtube videos have indicated the battle will be extremely difficult and long-winded. This has emphatically decreased my interest in this game. I think all games should have an easy mode and all opponents should have a skill that reflects such a mode. Making it so that I have to battle an opponent for nearly fifteen minutes with very little surplus is not what I consider a fun challenge. This is particularly a shame because I actually enjoy the game quite a bit- up until this point, that is. I have enjoyed the plot, the character development, and the relative ease of controller use, not to mention the art is fabulous. I have already seen the ending, thanks to my Youtube research and have to say I'm not to fond of that, either. The story threw me some curve balls that I didn't expect and felt weren't necessary to furthering a successful plot. On the whole, I would still recommend this game, but maybe you should rent it first before deciding on a blind buy, like I had. These days, I rent most of my games first and I use GameFly to do it. For anyone curious to give it a shot, this game is available at GameFly on both PS2 and Xbox platforms. I'm on the single game plan because while I have various gaming con soles, I don't interchange games until one is finished. It works well for me that way...

oronine ointment...

"Actions: Itching and irritation due to sting by mosquito, flea, bedbug, louse, gnat, etc. For pain caused by burns. For cuts and scratches. Protects sensitive skin due to shaving. Use before make-up application. Pimple remedy. Cure athlete's foot. For ringworm, scaldhead and psoriasis. For shoe-sores. For your baby's diaper and heat rash, For frost bite and chapped skin."
Yep, yet another multipurpose cure. I thought it might be helpful in a number of cases, but never really saw any beneficial results. I guess an open mind is not enough; maybe you need to truly believe in something for it to work. I can't say for sure, but I can surely say that this, too, won't become a staple in my medicine cabinet. Everything is worth trying at least once, but I don't offer a second chance to everything that crosses my path.

mopiko ointment...

"For relief of bites by lice, mosquitoes, bees or other poisoning insects. Itching ulcers. Measles. Irritation from shaving. Headaches. Muscle fatigue due to exercise. Burns or abrasion." While curiosity allowed me to buy this, I am not sure if I will be a repeat buyer. Not that it is ineffective or anything, but simply because it is an overseas purchase and I didn't find it anymore effective than anything else I have tried. It also seemed to multi-purpose to me to be true. I don't think it will become a staple in my medicine cabinet anytime soon.

po chai pills...

This alternative medicine is purported as the general cure-all of stomach ailments. "Indications: help relieve diarrhea, stomach flu, vomiting and gastrointestinal diseases." I got some out of curiosity. It comes in a small vial in the form of small reddish-brown pellets with a smooth and semi-gloss surface. I didn't know whether I should try to swallow them whole or chew them up, but after trying to chew a few, I decided swallowing them whole was decidedly the preferable choice. The flavor, aside from being rather herbal and medicinal in nature, was bitter and the texture was very gritty. In other words, it was quite nasty and the flavor lingered in my mouth even after having something to drink. Furthermore, I don't think it really did anything for me other than possibly make me feel more ill than I had felt before. I was really intrigued with the packaging and format of this medicine, however I would never get it again. Ok, you can stop laughing now...

action resulting from motivation vs. intention...

My mind has been on my previous post as well as the fact that I haven't posted here in over a year. It strikes me so that the thought keep rolling around in my head: I haven't posted in over a year- close to a year and a half, actually. I never intended to let my blog go for so long, but so much has happened since I last discussed my life that this truly did slip way down on my priority list and many times when I thought about posting a new entry, I really had no desire to do so; I just didn't have the emotional energy that I felt I needed to get into deeply personal topics. I certainly wasn't planning on resuming blog entries with a rant, but it ended up happening anyway. At this point, I should talk about what has been happening in all this time and get everything up to date because I actually have set aside things that I did want to eventually share and discuss.
Anyone reading far enough back or who knows me personally will recall that my grandmother passed away in 2008 and my grandfather passed away in 2009. Things are still not fully reconciled, but have been mostly reconciled at this point. There has also been a great emotional and physical drain that accompanied it- both a conscious and subconscious shutting down that I imagine are part of the grieving process as well as depression, from which I already suffer.
At the end of 2009, My laptop died. It was brand new and I was stymied. At this point in time, I still have yet to get it repaired. I have not had what I considered an adequate opportunity to do so. My mother's laptop also foozed out, but repair was an easier process so it has already been repaired as of this past summer. My even newer desktop took a dive recently and while most of everything is ok, there are a few cosmetic damages and it is not economically feasible to get it repaired, which was a major disappointment to me.
Last year welcomed a new lunar year for the tiger, which I was rather psyched about because I was born during the year of the tiger and usually am hopeful of things looking better than usual in the coming year- not that I take it to particularly seriously, but it did give me a little fuel for hope. Well, things did not look up. I got food poisoning on my birthday. It was so bad that I suffered for months afterward, but as bad as my mother, who was ill for eight weeks at the beginning of the year and nearly lost her job as a result of being out for so long.
I also came to the unpleasant realization that I had acute hypertension; my blood pressure was so sky high that I literally thought I was going to die one weekend just before I sought medical help.I'm not much for doctors as I have had very few positive experiences with them and I no longer have medical insurance and have to pay for everything out of my unemployed pocket which already receives no financial aid whatsoever. Therefore, resigning to do this was a big step for me.
Additionally, I ended up having yet another root canal last year and I am already anticipating needing one for this year as well. I have started to lose count, but I think this will be number 11 for me. It seems mt grandmother's dental issues may have been genetic and the torch has now been passed on to me, as it were.
Speaking of medical issues, I also had another session with kidney stones this past year. Eventually I ended up going to the emergency room for help. Based on my descriptions, their tests, and what I eventually passed afterward, it would seem that I passed seven stones inside a two week period. To say the least, I was wiped out for a long time afterward.
I finally found a new doctor that I like who is local to me who genuinely takes an interest in my health and can relate to many of my situations. In the same medical center I have also found specialists who may be able to tend to my various other needs as well as a dentist in the adjoining level below. This gives me a sense of hope that I might be able to get more of my needs tended to, which haven't received treatment in literally years.
With things finally shaping up for my health, I am looking into resuming many old projects I had set aside, such as fixing my car, getting the heating and air conditioning fixed, possibly replacing the water boiler as well, and a lot of other minor tasks because let's face it, my grandparents' house was already old when we moved in and these things all needed tending to anyway. I also have projects for my room including building a bathroom and kitchen in the adjoining area because I would like to make my area more apartment-like and self-sustainable. Also on my list is doing things to resume working in music, including refinishing and upgrading my guitar, a 1965 Fender Musicmaster II. I am saving the older components for posterity. I am trying to keep it as original as possible, wherever it hasn't sustained damages from time and previous users.
This all having been said, I hope to continue the year with more interesting posts to intrigue and amuse. May the year of the rabbit be better than the tiger. So far it has been a rocky start- my mother has been to the emergency room twice two weeks ago for various problems.

flaming mad about twitter...

Ever have one of those days, weeks, months, or longer? Well I am and Twitter is what's burning me up this time. For those of you who don't know, Twitter is a microblog that allows its users to post 140 character blurbs about pretty much anything that's on their minds. It happens to be a great utility for business among many other things. I like Twitter- that is, unless it doesn't function properly. Several months ago, I noticed all communications that mentioned me had disappeared. I have reported the error numerous times to no avail. They have not been recovered and nobody has contacted me about them. However, I have noticed as of this month I am able to receive new ones. Also, off and on in the past and more so this month than ever, I am no longer able to post. I cannot make new posts, I cannot reply to others, I can't do anything but read the swarm of posts coming from other users, which is not very useful to me, especially when someone is expecting a reply from me. As of today, I can no longer even register my complaints about defect in Twitter's service. If I wasn't angry before, I am boiling now.

Hey Twitter, this was for you (minus the specific error being reported):

NOTE: I am not leaving a comment so you can simply sip your coffee and let your eyes glaze over as you continue to ponder life. I want this issue resolved. I want every issue that I have reported to be resolved. I still am missing all my old @ mentions. Nobody contacts me ever about a solution to these problems. Do you like your users to feel ignored? I feel ignored. I feel Twitter is useless if I cannot communicate with others and fear they cannot communicate directly with me. Should I delete this account and create a new one? Would that solve my problems or would Twitter continue to be as useless to me? I have been waiting a long time and it seems all I get are more defects in Twitter's service. Is Twitter that afraid to communicate with its users directly? Where is the support? I feel like I have no support. Am I supposed to feel better that Twitter knows about its issues? Am I supposed to feel Twitter is that much closer to resolving such issues? When can I use my Twitter account without defects. I see all these users with the same problems and nobody is getting any results. This is unacceptable.


It would seem Twitter is trying to avoid contact. Even their "contact us" button doesn't actually let me contact them. They have no email address, no mailing address, no phone number, and if you can't post then you can't mention them in a post and expect (make that "hope for") contact. It would seem the more irate users get or the more frequently they complain, they eventually are silenced by getting blocked from posting future continuances of errors. I guess they assumed I should sit quietly in the shadows and let moss grow on my account until it gets fixed, if it ever gets fixed. In case Twitter doesn't understand yet, I want my account fixed, ASAP!

it was a month ago today...

...that my grandfather passed away.

i just got back home a couple nights ago and was up 'til all hours. without much surprise i needed a couple days recuperation time on top of getting ill from pushing myself so hard, but i'm getting ahead of myself...

on saturday, august 29th, i went over to see my grandfather for a weekly visit, dinner, and movie (video) as weve been doing for the past several months since my grandmother passed away last year. his health had been deteriorating worse in the last few months with multiple cases of aspiration pneumonia, delirium, and non-coherent speech. in essence we could see he had changed his mind once again and was giving up on life (something he had been deliberating for a while, off and on). unfortunately with his disease (inclusion body myositis), he just couldnt afford to be negative about such things- although he probably had little choice in the matter anyway.

shortly after we arrived, he became clinically unresponsive. he passed away shortly after nine on the following night. we watched him die. hospice was there giving him morphine regularly and everything was done to make hime as physically comfortable as possible and we helplessly sat there and watched him die. it was fairly peaceful for him. it was hard to take and still is from time to time.

we had planned a nice evening and even invited my grandmother's younger brother for a special dinner and a movie. sensing the end coming, we took special consideration to prepare my grandfather's more favorite meals so he could enjoy is last days as best as possible. my mom had even taken to hand-feeding him; he had become so weak. we chose movies that we felt he would enjoy. we ate with him in his bedroom so he could be apart of things virtually from start to finish since he couldn't move anymore. we also tried to get my uncle down more regularly and fortunately he was there when my grandfather passed. things probably couldn't have transpired better than they did in regards to how he passed away and yet my family is heartbroken with sorrow, remorse, and even some regret.

the aftermath was very difficult. we lived in their facility apartment during this past entire month. a lot of things needed to be done and a lawyer did most of it. the rest was left up to us and it was a strain, emotionally and physically. even now there are still a few remaining loose ends, such as canceling various subscriptions and whatnot. we successfully vacated the apartment by the end of the month, but after filling a 10x10 storage unit we still have so much that it was piled on the back porch at home with drop clothes pulled over. so that it can be brought inside in a more accommodating fashion. the lighter side is very little bickering was done over belonings- mostly my mother simply told my uncle he could have whatever he asked for (when he bothered to ask; mostly he just grabbed). since i don't have a home of my own yet i felt i had no place asking for any of the things that i spent more of my life growing around than they had, to which my mother disagreed with that line of thinking saying that i had just as much right if not more so than them as i grew up with all those possessions and dedicated a lot of my life helping them, interrupting things like college, work, and living at home off and on over the years to help both of my grandparents with their various needs. i felt more like a hyena that needs to wait after the lions are through. i didn't want to fight over stuff and i didn't really feel like divvying it up, either.

he was cremated a couple weeks ago as per his wishes. initially he wanted to be buried at sea since he was in the navy, but my grandmother wanted him to be resting with her so that was his concession, however after the way her body was handled/prepared, he decided emphatically that cremation was what he wished for himself. he will be receiving a full military honors service this winter; it was the earliest that could be offered. i feel like a lot of this is far from being over. being the rock of my family has been wearisome so i'm not surprised i became ill as soon as i got home. i hope maybe things can make a turn for the better now, but in all honesty i feel a little sad...

health, health, and more health...

...or the lack thereof.
this month has seen more immediate medical needs than i care to see in a year. two weeks ago, i had to get a root canal- asap! yes, i have been putting off some dental work for over a couple years, but i had been managing pain control relatively well and then all of a sudden i could no longer manage it and i was tending to it practically on a minute by minute basis. i guess one tooth in particular just couldn't withstand anymore, so started coaxing my family to help me out with dental expenses, transportation, and that sort of thing. finally, i got an appointment and like magic the worst of it was over, however i am still suffering as a result of putting it off for so long (bone inflammation is slow to recuperate).
last friday saw a completely unexpected health matter. i spent the night at the emergency room to learn i had a kidney stone. i was in pain like i had never felt before and i cant remember the last time i was so ill. fortunately i don't have an infection, but it took forever til i was able to supply a specimen for analysis. i was fairly dehydrated although their charts didn't indicate it. i might add i am glad i didn't have to coax people into helping me with this situation. as it was i had suffered for hours before my mother got home from work. fortunately the hospital they took me to was pretty awesome (as far as that sort of thing is concerned) and i hope that if i have an emergency again that i am fortunate enough to go there.
now i have to take new meds, see new doctors, juggle appointments, and recuperate as best as possible. unfortunately i hadn't planned on any of this, but this is one of life's curve balls. i just have to learn to accept it and move on to the best of my ability.

dealing with dead relatives...

Sometimes you know them, sometimes you don't, sometimes you love them, and then again sometimes you don't. Most of my relatives are buried in the same place. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my grandmother's death. It seemed all of a sudden to be too fresh for everyone. It's left me with plenty to chew on since.

My grandfather decided he didn't want to go after all. I think several thought motivated his last minute change of heart. I think my uncle was a little reluctant to go and had lowered expectations as a result. My mother went and had a dramatic reaction that I once again wasn't expecting from her. It was all very non sequitur from my point of view.

I wasn't satisfied with the end of the funeral last year. We were rudely ushered away several times. The tomb stone wasn't ready, The coffin was wrong. My grandmother had been prepared poorly in advance. I wanted to leave a parting gift- a mere token offering, which I couldn't do because nothing was ready and we had to leave. At least I got to do that much this year.

This year, I also took photos of all the grave markers. Both sets of my maternal great grandparents are buried in the same place as is a great uncle and my grandmother. My grandfather will be laid to rest here as well, when his time comes. Setting out some incense and taking a moment to have a few thoughts at each marker was enough for me. Things could have been better. Grass had not yet grown in the time that had passed since my grandmother's burial. I think we were all disconcerted by this fact, but my mother was particularly affected by this. All of her past feelings came rushing back to her. My uncle, who was seeking some sort of final closure, didn't find what he was searching for, either. The stone for her place didn't look right to me; I felt there were aesthetic errors. It also looked way too fresh and clean for my preference. Perhaps "fresh" is an apt word to describe how each of us had unhappily come to terms with the day's excursion. I think everything was just a little too fresh for everyone.

Then we went on to another cemetery where another great uncle of mine has been placed to rest. (I do not say "laid" as he was cremated and no longer had a whole body to lay.) His resting place is beautiful, peaceful, and serene. There is a wonderful calming scent that is both earthy and sweet. My uncle remarked that it smelled like his grandparent's house as a child. There is no stone present but rather a plate in the ground and my great uncle's ashes are in an urn placed under the plate. I think visiting his place last may have been a good way to end the day. I think it calmed everyone down and made them think of better things. Again I took some photos and left more incense.

It was a tiring day and we finished by reconvening at my grandfather's apartment and had dinner together. It stormed badly, just like it did last year and at about the same time as well. It seemed too close for comfort- like it was more than mere coincidence. Who knows? I felt tired and ill because I had exceeded the limits of my current sleeping pattern and I had been more active than I am accustomed to, not to mention I was feeling very motion sick as a result of all the driving around and sitting in the back seat. Not being in a car much anymore has made it worse, but particularly not being the driver is what makes me prone to feel ill like that every time. After a certain point all I wanted to do was get home, but it seemed like time still had to drag on another hour or two.

In conclusion, I think my uncle will eventually develop a sense of closure, but it probably won't transpire as he expects. I think my mother may never really get over my grandmother's death; I think it was just way too traumatic for her. She retains every thing with its corresponding emotion intact. Unfortunately, this causes her prolonged suffering when it comes to negativity in her life. I think my grandfather may never see her/their grave again. There is a chance we won't see it again either until he passes away and then after that I have no idea. Maybe no one will go to visit again. It took my grandmother's death to go this year and last year. Last time I was there was possibly more than two decades ago. With my plans to eventually leave the country, I should try for at least one more time. And with that thought in my head, I am left once again with the thought of how I might die, and what I wish to be done with my body and estate upon my death. Such thoughts are rather sobering...