My mind has been on my previous post as well as the fact that I haven't posted here in over a year. It strikes me so that the thought keep rolling around in my head: I haven't posted in over a year- close to a year and a half, actually. I never intended to let my blog go for so long, but so much has happened since I last discussed my life that this truly did slip way down on my priority list and many times when I thought about posting a new entry, I really had no desire to do so; I just didn't have the emotional energy that I felt I needed to get into deeply personal topics. I certainly wasn't planning on resuming blog entries with a rant, but it ended up happening anyway. At this point, I should talk about what has been happening in all this time and get everything up to date because I actually have set aside things that I did want to eventually share and discuss.
Anyone reading far enough back or who knows me personally will recall that my grandmother passed away in 2008 and my grandfather passed away in 2009. Things are still not fully reconciled, but have been mostly reconciled at this point. There has also been a great emotional and physical drain that accompanied it- both a conscious and subconscious shutting down that I imagine are part of the grieving process as well as depression, from which I already suffer.
At the end of 2009, My laptop died. It was brand new and I was stymied. At this point in time, I still have yet to get it repaired. I have not had what I considered an adequate opportunity to do so. My mother's laptop also foozed out, but repair was an easier process so it has already been repaired as of this past summer. My even newer desktop took a dive recently and while most of everything is ok, there are a few cosmetic damages and it is not economically feasible to get it repaired, which was a major disappointment to me.
Last year welcomed a new lunar year for the tiger, which I was rather psyched about because I was born during the year of the tiger and usually am hopeful of things looking better than usual in the coming year- not that I take it to particularly seriously, but it did give me a little fuel for hope. Well, things did not look up. I got food poisoning on my birthday. It was so bad that I suffered for months afterward, but as bad as my mother, who was ill for eight weeks at the beginning of the year and nearly lost her job as a result of being out for so long.
I also came to the unpleasant realization that I had acute hypertension; my blood pressure was so sky high that I literally thought I was going to die one weekend just before I sought medical help.I'm not much for doctors as I have had very few positive experiences with them and I no longer have medical insurance and have to pay for everything out of my unemployed pocket which already receives no financial aid whatsoever. Therefore, resigning to do this was a big step for me.
Additionally, I ended up having yet another root canal last year and I am already anticipating needing one for this year as well. I have started to lose count, but I think this will be number 11 for me. It seems mt grandmother's dental issues may have been genetic and the torch has now been passed on to me, as it were.
Speaking of medical issues, I also had another session with kidney stones this past year. Eventually I ended up going to the emergency room for help. Based on my descriptions, their tests, and what I eventually passed afterward, it would seem that I passed seven stones inside a two week period. To say the least, I was wiped out for a long time afterward.
I finally found a new doctor that I like who is local to me who genuinely takes an interest in my health and can relate to many of my situations. In the same medical center I have also found specialists who may be able to tend to my various other needs as well as a dentist in the adjoining level below. This gives me a sense of hope that I might be able to get more of my needs tended to, which haven't received treatment in literally years.
With things finally shaping up for my health, I am looking into resuming many old projects I had set aside, such as fixing my car, getting the heating and air conditioning fixed, possibly replacing the water boiler as well, and a lot of other minor tasks because let's face it, my grandparents' house was already old when we moved in and these things all needed tending to anyway. I also have projects for my room including building a bathroom and kitchen in the adjoining area because I would like to make my area more apartment-like and self-sustainable. Also on my list is doing things to resume working in music, including refinishing and upgrading my guitar, a 1965 Fender Musicmaster II. I am saving the older components for posterity. I am trying to keep it as original as possible, wherever it hasn't sustained damages from time and previous users.
This all having been said, I hope to continue the year with more interesting posts to intrigue and amuse. May the year of the rabbit be better than the tiger. So far it has been a rocky start- my mother has been to the emergency room twice two weeks ago for various problems.
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Showing posts with label career. Show all posts
Friday, February 4, 2011
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
an overdue update...
this is one of the few blogs where i haven't posted anything in a long time, so i figured i was long overdue for providing an update in regards to things that have been transpiring in my life since my last post.
this year has seen many things: another birthday, identity theft, a self-run business slowly rise and quickly fall, admin-level status at a web site, the loss of a family member, communication briefly re-established with other family members, and contemplation of career change accompanied with going back to school again. all this is on top of the daily and other incidental stuff with which i already deal. without a doubt, it's been quite the emotional roller-coaster ride, especially when i take into consideration my past and my future.
my birthday serves as a yearly milestone where i assess how far i've come, what i've accomplished, what i'm currently doing, and what my plans are. it's not so much of a comparison with other people as much as it is a comparison with what i feel i could be doing based on a potential happy medium that i generally try to strive for- nothing too great nor too poor.
as many of you know, last year saw considerable marks in success. i released 10 albums (with a cumulative 15,000+ download result) including a collaborative album which i later remastered as a solo work which i released this year. indeed i have plans for future works, both specifically and generally speaking. after pulling off to work independently, i was accepted to sell my work with apple itunes along with several other companies online. before i was able to send my work to each of these companies, my external hard drive died, which i have described in great detail in a previous post. this put my life at an abrupt standstill. i had no backup plan. if anything, returning to music was my backup plan. due to various medical situations, i've become limited in what i can do so working at home on music seemed like my best option considering my abilities and resources. even though it seems life has other intentions for me, i will not be giving up on this dream and it is my intention to slowly rebuild my way back to where i was before and surpass that milestone.
in the meantime, i'm still limited as to what i can and can't do. time has been slowly healing physical and emotional wounds. i have had time to reconsider life, options, and so forth. an option i've been giving strong consideration to is teaching english as a second and/or foreign language, specifically in japan. why japan? because before i was a live my family had been there while my grandfather was still in the navy and i have grown up seeing all sorts of things attesting to their love of being there and i have been captivated by these relics and on my own eperiences found myself gravitating to all things japanese over the course of my life, so it only seemed natural that my first thoughts were of japan. asia, in general, is seeking native-speaking english teachers for all levels of education and they are paying very well and if you get a private job, then the pay is pretty phenomenal. I could really use something that would provide a decent, reliable income. that is something i have never had- its always been decent or reliable, but never both.
so here i am trying my best to become fluent in japanese so that i can go out there and get a job teaching english, but wait- don't i need some sort of experience and educational background in that field before landing such a job? yes, indeed i do. this means completing my existing education so i don't lose all the work i've already done over the course of about 7 years in four colleges. then i need to get an additional degree and perhaps certification as well as work experience before i can even go over there and work. additionally, i will have to perform a massive overseas move as well as getting a home, which will be monumental tasks in of themselves. i've already done all the research into that as well, but i've determined this is something that i want to do and even if it takes me around 7 years to accomplish, i will get it done.
sounds great, but what about the music? that will be sitting on the back burner as little as possible while i am trying to get all these other things accomplished. another goal of the teaching would be to better afford my ability to work on music and probably the repair (if possible) of my external hard drive. if i can get that repaired, then i can get back on track where i was with music sales and continuing further album work, broadcasting, and more. everything i had previously entertained doing in the line of music i still would like to do and i think i can be successful doing that anywhere in the world.
ok, so you mentioned a ot of other stuff happening thats been messing with your abilities... yes, my grandmother passed away this year. her health has been deteriorating for several years now and this year seemed to bring some considerable problems- a broken leg, a heart attack, and then spending her final days in a hospital where she would eventually die. the last medicine the doctors gave her lead to her death. they knew it might do it and my family was informed and for some reason everyone thought it was ok to do. well, she went into a coma, stopped breathing on her own, and after two weeks they finally unplugged her life support and she died a painful, scary death. she was also buried this summer and that was also an ordeal in of itself. i saw relatives i had stopped talking to for quite some time. i saw my grandparents' latest poor choice in assistants there as well. it was not a good day. i chose to bring the dog because he is family and he has emotional problems with being left alone for various reasons. because i had him with me, i was not allowed to go inside for the memorial service which was performed by my great uncle, her brother, how ever i was allowed to attend the burial service as that was outdoors. i miss the person she sometimes was, but not the person she became. her death cemented that things would never be good between us again, much as i had already suspected. in a way i had already said my goodbyes long ago, so the day felt very awkward for me. i think everyone had slightly different feelings on that day and continue to have slightly different feelings. everyone is slightly different now and yet they're still quite the same. things have quieted up between me and my relative once again. everyone is doing what they had been before, the only difference being that my grandmother is no longer part of the picture. it's been hard dealing with things in a way i can't quite describe. i intentionally abandoned certain activities i knew i wouldn't be able to perfom during that time and i have resumed most of those activities, such as career and educational research, learning japanese, and a couple of recreational things online, but not everything is back to normal.
i was an active trivia official on a website dedicated to my birth year where i posted on a weekly basis, but now i merely hold the title as i havent done anything there for months except excuse myself from activity due to family matters. i have resumed recreationally surfing the web and talking to friends online, but i still find myself testier about many things that i used to be more patient about and i've noticed with every major life-affecting event, that i get more and more like this and i don't really care for it. it's something that i try to keep in check, but i can't quite control it 100% of the time, either.
my grandmother's passing hasn't brought much change. my grandfather has seemed to grow more bitter of her, and he continues to tire of life. many of her things have vanished and it seems the help was involved, but he rehired them instead of hiring new help. this places quite a bit of unnecessary tension around the place because my mother will not go while any of them are there and if they are, she insists they leave. my uncle lives out of state so he isn't much help in many matters unless my mother pesters him to do something by phone or during one of his rare visits.
it's hard to keep focused when you have so much swimming around in your head, even more so when you're predisposed to having problems with maintaining focus. things have been breaking down right and left this year as well. my tv died so i have to use a small old one which means i can't really read anything on it or appreciate any rental in any great detail. i can't really affor a replacement at for the time being, either. my home has flooded some more this year and it got pretty bad. i am still fighting mildew problems and telecommunications problems as a result. i've been repairing computers in hopes i can get them all completely functional so that mine will work as they used to (if not better) and i can sell some others online so that i can get a little money. finding ways to make money has been a pain because it almost always costs money to make money. i was hoping to find ways to get ahead and it seems like i am barely staying afloat, all the while i am still receiving minimal financial assistance from my mother when she is able to afford it. i am lucky as most mothers wouldn't do this. i am trying to make the best use of her financial assistance, which does not always come as the easiest of choices. there are so many distractions and oh so many things to do, and there is always more to do than before. all i can do is keep trying and keep planning and someday i might manage to make things work ok...
this year has seen many things: another birthday, identity theft, a self-run business slowly rise and quickly fall, admin-level status at a web site, the loss of a family member, communication briefly re-established with other family members, and contemplation of career change accompanied with going back to school again. all this is on top of the daily and other incidental stuff with which i already deal. without a doubt, it's been quite the emotional roller-coaster ride, especially when i take into consideration my past and my future.
my birthday serves as a yearly milestone where i assess how far i've come, what i've accomplished, what i'm currently doing, and what my plans are. it's not so much of a comparison with other people as much as it is a comparison with what i feel i could be doing based on a potential happy medium that i generally try to strive for- nothing too great nor too poor.
as many of you know, last year saw considerable marks in success. i released 10 albums (with a cumulative 15,000+ download result) including a collaborative album which i later remastered as a solo work which i released this year. indeed i have plans for future works, both specifically and generally speaking. after pulling off to work independently, i was accepted to sell my work with apple itunes along with several other companies online. before i was able to send my work to each of these companies, my external hard drive died, which i have described in great detail in a previous post. this put my life at an abrupt standstill. i had no backup plan. if anything, returning to music was my backup plan. due to various medical situations, i've become limited in what i can do so working at home on music seemed like my best option considering my abilities and resources. even though it seems life has other intentions for me, i will not be giving up on this dream and it is my intention to slowly rebuild my way back to where i was before and surpass that milestone.
in the meantime, i'm still limited as to what i can and can't do. time has been slowly healing physical and emotional wounds. i have had time to reconsider life, options, and so forth. an option i've been giving strong consideration to is teaching english as a second and/or foreign language, specifically in japan. why japan? because before i was a live my family had been there while my grandfather was still in the navy and i have grown up seeing all sorts of things attesting to their love of being there and i have been captivated by these relics and on my own eperiences found myself gravitating to all things japanese over the course of my life, so it only seemed natural that my first thoughts were of japan. asia, in general, is seeking native-speaking english teachers for all levels of education and they are paying very well and if you get a private job, then the pay is pretty phenomenal. I could really use something that would provide a decent, reliable income. that is something i have never had- its always been decent or reliable, but never both.
so here i am trying my best to become fluent in japanese so that i can go out there and get a job teaching english, but wait- don't i need some sort of experience and educational background in that field before landing such a job? yes, indeed i do. this means completing my existing education so i don't lose all the work i've already done over the course of about 7 years in four colleges. then i need to get an additional degree and perhaps certification as well as work experience before i can even go over there and work. additionally, i will have to perform a massive overseas move as well as getting a home, which will be monumental tasks in of themselves. i've already done all the research into that as well, but i've determined this is something that i want to do and even if it takes me around 7 years to accomplish, i will get it done.
sounds great, but what about the music? that will be sitting on the back burner as little as possible while i am trying to get all these other things accomplished. another goal of the teaching would be to better afford my ability to work on music and probably the repair (if possible) of my external hard drive. if i can get that repaired, then i can get back on track where i was with music sales and continuing further album work, broadcasting, and more. everything i had previously entertained doing in the line of music i still would like to do and i think i can be successful doing that anywhere in the world.
ok, so you mentioned a ot of other stuff happening thats been messing with your abilities... yes, my grandmother passed away this year. her health has been deteriorating for several years now and this year seemed to bring some considerable problems- a broken leg, a heart attack, and then spending her final days in a hospital where she would eventually die. the last medicine the doctors gave her lead to her death. they knew it might do it and my family was informed and for some reason everyone thought it was ok to do. well, she went into a coma, stopped breathing on her own, and after two weeks they finally unplugged her life support and she died a painful, scary death. she was also buried this summer and that was also an ordeal in of itself. i saw relatives i had stopped talking to for quite some time. i saw my grandparents' latest poor choice in assistants there as well. it was not a good day. i chose to bring the dog because he is family and he has emotional problems with being left alone for various reasons. because i had him with me, i was not allowed to go inside for the memorial service which was performed by my great uncle, her brother, how ever i was allowed to attend the burial service as that was outdoors. i miss the person she sometimes was, but not the person she became. her death cemented that things would never be good between us again, much as i had already suspected. in a way i had already said my goodbyes long ago, so the day felt very awkward for me. i think everyone had slightly different feelings on that day and continue to have slightly different feelings. everyone is slightly different now and yet they're still quite the same. things have quieted up between me and my relative once again. everyone is doing what they had been before, the only difference being that my grandmother is no longer part of the picture. it's been hard dealing with things in a way i can't quite describe. i intentionally abandoned certain activities i knew i wouldn't be able to perfom during that time and i have resumed most of those activities, such as career and educational research, learning japanese, and a couple of recreational things online, but not everything is back to normal.
i was an active trivia official on a website dedicated to my birth year where i posted on a weekly basis, but now i merely hold the title as i havent done anything there for months except excuse myself from activity due to family matters. i have resumed recreationally surfing the web and talking to friends online, but i still find myself testier about many things that i used to be more patient about and i've noticed with every major life-affecting event, that i get more and more like this and i don't really care for it. it's something that i try to keep in check, but i can't quite control it 100% of the time, either.
my grandmother's passing hasn't brought much change. my grandfather has seemed to grow more bitter of her, and he continues to tire of life. many of her things have vanished and it seems the help was involved, but he rehired them instead of hiring new help. this places quite a bit of unnecessary tension around the place because my mother will not go while any of them are there and if they are, she insists they leave. my uncle lives out of state so he isn't much help in many matters unless my mother pesters him to do something by phone or during one of his rare visits.
it's hard to keep focused when you have so much swimming around in your head, even more so when you're predisposed to having problems with maintaining focus. things have been breaking down right and left this year as well. my tv died so i have to use a small old one which means i can't really read anything on it or appreciate any rental in any great detail. i can't really affor a replacement at for the time being, either. my home has flooded some more this year and it got pretty bad. i am still fighting mildew problems and telecommunications problems as a result. i've been repairing computers in hopes i can get them all completely functional so that mine will work as they used to (if not better) and i can sell some others online so that i can get a little money. finding ways to make money has been a pain because it almost always costs money to make money. i was hoping to find ways to get ahead and it seems like i am barely staying afloat, all the while i am still receiving minimal financial assistance from my mother when she is able to afford it. i am lucky as most mothers wouldn't do this. i am trying to make the best use of her financial assistance, which does not always come as the easiest of choices. there are so many distractions and oh so many things to do, and there is always more to do than before. all i can do is keep trying and keep planning and someday i might manage to make things work ok...
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
life derailed & blueprinting a backup plan...
I have been putting off any posts til I had something more concrete to post, but there is only one thing I can offer in case anyone has been wondering: my external hard drive has died.
Because of this hardware failure, I have been unable to mix, produce, or host weekly broadcasts as I normally would. Because my external hard drive is 2tb (read 2000gb), the cheapest repair quote I can possibly get is $6,000.00. I will also have to replace the unit that died and buy and additional back up unit so this doesn't happen again.
Needless to say, I don't have this kind of money to spend all at once. It will take me time to save up for this repair. If I am lucky, maybe I can afford the repair in a year, but I anticipate it taking about ten years instead.
Either way, it will be quite some time before release any new work or mixes. I am currently working on a way to get broadcasts done using different equipment and a different medium.
If anyone knows of a cheaper way to get my repair done, I would appreciate some feedback. If anyone would like to help out financially I could set up a donations link via Paypal, however I would rather be hired to spin or have my albums be bought online.
I would be thrilled to get my life back on track again. I'm sorry this has happened. Thank you for your support.
plur...
*********************************
That was a post I made early in April, over a month after my drive had failed. By that point, I already felt obliged to say something in regards as to why I had ceased to broadcast on a weekly basis, why I was not creating new mixes and remixes, why I was not releasing new albums, and why my work had not been distributed to more online stores for sale as I had promised. I didn't have a lot of information to offer as most of the people I had been in contact with had given me very little information to go on. I like to know as much as I can and compare services before I settle on one. After all, $6000 is a lot of money to cough up and I am not about to give it to the first person I find. I need to know if I can find cheaper, the processes involved, if it's possible for me to cut costs based on options and preferences... I want to feel comfortable and confident knowing the services to be performed will be successfully done by a reliable source.
Because of the paths my life has taken, I do not have $6000 to surrender in one fell swoop. In order to pay such a price all at once, I will need to make and save that money. Unfortunately, the drive died before I could get my music distributed to more online sources. I have only a couple places selling my work now, but they are in obscure locations which do not receive as much internet traffic as where they were going to be located. Most of the work available for sale was available for free for nearly a year so it has not been selling since its availability status changed. I trust at some point the music will start selling. When it was free, it had been down loaded over 15,000 times in less than a year. So I trust it will sell again upon finding a larger audience.
Not only do I not have $6000 to afford to repair my hard drive, my original intent was to make money from my music to afford car repairs so I could have transportation for a job. Most jobs require many things, such as a degree, experience, and reliable transportation. Having tried to work without reliable transportation previously, I know it isn't a viable option when public transportation causes frequent lateness thus threatening job security. I also lack a degree despite my years of college training. Additionally, my work history is patchy, having had to take time off to help my handicapped grandparents and even live with them for a few years. My options are reduced to nothing more than minimum wage jobs or possibly an entry level company position- still requiring reliable transportation at the very least. So i can't get a job without transportation and I can't afford to repair my transportation without a job! Vicious, isn't it? So that brought me to mixing making music and selling it. I figured I would work at home on something I love which I am also capable of doing and make at least enough to afford repairs. I also had dreams of taking my goals to higher levels. I had not planned on hard drive failure thwarting my momentum. I had no backup plan to fall back on.
So suddenly I find myself in the ugly position of wondering what I am going to do. I figure music sales and dj gigs might allow my to make enough money to afford various repairs, but it will take anywhere up to ten years or longer, depending on the strength of the income. I'm not sure I can happily sit around and wait for that kind of money to roll in bit by bit. I like to be productive. I like to feel useful. I tend to measure and assess my progress regularly, so I'm fairly confident I wouldn't like to sit around and wait to have enough money. So what can I do to expedite things?
I have looked into this before; in fact, every time I consider a new job I go through the same train of thought. Most work at home options do not appeal to me. Either I have to put some money into a kit or a phony certification process which turns out to be a scam or the work is for data entry/processing or for collections services. Years ago I was on the other end of the collections services and I can tell you I hate being felt like despicable prey. I would never do that to another person. One might say I should take any job to make money just because it pays. I have never been able to accomplish anything I couldn't put my heart into. I have done data entry/processing and I won't do it again. I have a lousy attention span and when it comes to things I have no interest in, I might as well not be doing it. I also have other limitations. I had back surgery twice. My physical endurance and general comfort level just aren't very good anymore. I find it difficult to sit, stand, lift, kneel and more. I also have developed a sensitivity to light after a scratched cornea; I can assure you migraines don't go as easily as your average headache.
So what the hell can I do??? Well, endurance can be built, but sometimes it takes years to do. It has been three years since my last back surgery. I can do more things now, but I still spend the majority of my time in my bed. I has also been about as long since I scratched my cornea. some days are worse than others, but I can usually manage to be outside in bright sunlight for about an hour before my eyes are exhausted and I start to feel a migraine coming on, both of which are painful experiences. I can withstand normal indoor lighting for even longer, but it's something I generally try to avoid; I even keep my bedroom dimly lit. I figure at the very least I can try to complete a degree or two online while I am still stuck at home. Perhaps I can get into another field that interests me which would afford my repairs. Perhaps there is other work at home, or maybe temporary work (perhaps even abroad) that I can do which will allow me to afford repairs or even more. I have always felt challenged for extra money in the past. Perhaps this is an opportunity to make to make my life even better. To be honest, I have recently been looking into teaching again. The idea of teaching English as a second/foreign language appeals to me. The idea of living abroad also has some appeal and maybe one I might make it a permanent situation, but right now it's merely a consideration as I review my possibilities for completing a degree at home.
I hope this offers some clarity as to whats going on with things in my life right now. When I have more concrete information to offer I will keep you posted. Thank you for your support.
plur...
Because of this hardware failure, I have been unable to mix, produce, or host weekly broadcasts as I normally would. Because my external hard drive is 2tb (read 2000gb), the cheapest repair quote I can possibly get is $6,000.00. I will also have to replace the unit that died and buy and additional back up unit so this doesn't happen again.
Needless to say, I don't have this kind of money to spend all at once. It will take me time to save up for this repair. If I am lucky, maybe I can afford the repair in a year, but I anticipate it taking about ten years instead.
Either way, it will be quite some time before release any new work or mixes. I am currently working on a way to get broadcasts done using different equipment and a different medium.
If anyone knows of a cheaper way to get my repair done, I would appreciate some feedback. If anyone would like to help out financially I could set up a donations link via Paypal, however I would rather be hired to spin or have my albums be bought online.
I would be thrilled to get my life back on track again. I'm sorry this has happened. Thank you for your support.
plur...
*********************************
That was a post I made early in April, over a month after my drive had failed. By that point, I already felt obliged to say something in regards as to why I had ceased to broadcast on a weekly basis, why I was not creating new mixes and remixes, why I was not releasing new albums, and why my work had not been distributed to more online stores for sale as I had promised. I didn't have a lot of information to offer as most of the people I had been in contact with had given me very little information to go on. I like to know as much as I can and compare services before I settle on one. After all, $6000 is a lot of money to cough up and I am not about to give it to the first person I find. I need to know if I can find cheaper, the processes involved, if it's possible for me to cut costs based on options and preferences... I want to feel comfortable and confident knowing the services to be performed will be successfully done by a reliable source.
Because of the paths my life has taken, I do not have $6000 to surrender in one fell swoop. In order to pay such a price all at once, I will need to make and save that money. Unfortunately, the drive died before I could get my music distributed to more online sources. I have only a couple places selling my work now, but they are in obscure locations which do not receive as much internet traffic as where they were going to be located. Most of the work available for sale was available for free for nearly a year so it has not been selling since its availability status changed. I trust at some point the music will start selling. When it was free, it had been down loaded over 15,000 times in less than a year. So I trust it will sell again upon finding a larger audience.
Not only do I not have $6000 to afford to repair my hard drive, my original intent was to make money from my music to afford car repairs so I could have transportation for a job. Most jobs require many things, such as a degree, experience, and reliable transportation. Having tried to work without reliable transportation previously, I know it isn't a viable option when public transportation causes frequent lateness thus threatening job security. I also lack a degree despite my years of college training. Additionally, my work history is patchy, having had to take time off to help my handicapped grandparents and even live with them for a few years. My options are reduced to nothing more than minimum wage jobs or possibly an entry level company position- still requiring reliable transportation at the very least. So i can't get a job without transportation and I can't afford to repair my transportation without a job! Vicious, isn't it? So that brought me to mixing making music and selling it. I figured I would work at home on something I love which I am also capable of doing and make at least enough to afford repairs. I also had dreams of taking my goals to higher levels. I had not planned on hard drive failure thwarting my momentum. I had no backup plan to fall back on.
So suddenly I find myself in the ugly position of wondering what I am going to do. I figure music sales and dj gigs might allow my to make enough money to afford various repairs, but it will take anywhere up to ten years or longer, depending on the strength of the income. I'm not sure I can happily sit around and wait for that kind of money to roll in bit by bit. I like to be productive. I like to feel useful. I tend to measure and assess my progress regularly, so I'm fairly confident I wouldn't like to sit around and wait to have enough money. So what can I do to expedite things?
I have looked into this before; in fact, every time I consider a new job I go through the same train of thought. Most work at home options do not appeal to me. Either I have to put some money into a kit or a phony certification process which turns out to be a scam or the work is for data entry/processing or for collections services. Years ago I was on the other end of the collections services and I can tell you I hate being felt like despicable prey. I would never do that to another person. One might say I should take any job to make money just because it pays. I have never been able to accomplish anything I couldn't put my heart into. I have done data entry/processing and I won't do it again. I have a lousy attention span and when it comes to things I have no interest in, I might as well not be doing it. I also have other limitations. I had back surgery twice. My physical endurance and general comfort level just aren't very good anymore. I find it difficult to sit, stand, lift, kneel and more. I also have developed a sensitivity to light after a scratched cornea; I can assure you migraines don't go as easily as your average headache.
So what the hell can I do??? Well, endurance can be built, but sometimes it takes years to do. It has been three years since my last back surgery. I can do more things now, but I still spend the majority of my time in my bed. I has also been about as long since I scratched my cornea. some days are worse than others, but I can usually manage to be outside in bright sunlight for about an hour before my eyes are exhausted and I start to feel a migraine coming on, both of which are painful experiences. I can withstand normal indoor lighting for even longer, but it's something I generally try to avoid; I even keep my bedroom dimly lit. I figure at the very least I can try to complete a degree or two online while I am still stuck at home. Perhaps I can get into another field that interests me which would afford my repairs. Perhaps there is other work at home, or maybe temporary work (perhaps even abroad) that I can do which will allow me to afford repairs or even more. I have always felt challenged for extra money in the past. Perhaps this is an opportunity to make to make my life even better. To be honest, I have recently been looking into teaching again. The idea of teaching English as a second/foreign language appeals to me. The idea of living abroad also has some appeal and maybe one I might make it a permanent situation, but right now it's merely a consideration as I review my possibilities for completing a degree at home.
I hope this offers some clarity as to whats going on with things in my life right now. When I have more concrete information to offer I will keep you posted. Thank you for your support.
plur...
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