back-words... aint no april fool...

Friday, April 1, 2005
aint no april fool...
recent reflections: we must suck it up and get over our shit and move on...
dont get caught up with ppl caught up in their own world who can only spend time with you when it is convenient for them and/or makes them look good. hard to believe but a person who does that does not actually care, and you will end up being hurt from this behavior sooner or later. this is something you have to stop or it will continue to hurt you. be strong enough to make a firm stand and declare that you wont put up with garbage, that if someone is offering garbage, you dont have to stick around and take it- not ever again. some ppl put up with bs, some dont. the first half of my life i put up with a lot of shit that i wasnt interested in just to be nice and not hurt others. that was nice of me but wrong of me to do. i learned to take a greater interest in myself, my needs. i dont want to be everyone's drawing pad- try this! does it personally involve me? do i really want to do it? that will determine whether i want to fulfill that particular request or not. it is fair. my birthday came and went without much surprise. i got the usual emails, phone calls and family interaction, complete with presents- because even when you dont want anything, ppl just have to give you something anyway. its almost like you die if you dont give- trust me, there are other ways to give. mostly, i wanted the day to pass like any other day, and quickly at that... i didn't want a milestone reminder of what wasnt done and not done yet and what might never happen. it is the one day i find difficult to find personal contentment out of the whole year. becoming 31 didnt bother me as i could really care less if i get older, since it is inevitable and passing with each nanosecond. what would be cool is to try getting younger- to play with time, on a conscious level, perhaps. then again, theres too many problems that could arise from that. i wont go into detail as its all theoretical and neither here nor there.
the basic lesson is to keep true to yourself all the time. if ppl dont understand, then thats their problem, not yours. it also means they are not a friend. being a friend means respecting someone, even when you dont understand them, even when you disagree with them.