back-words... adulthood put on hold...

Sunday, April 23, 2006
adulthood put on hold...
What defines adulthood? Is it getting a job? Getting your own car? Or is it living on your own? Its none of those, not even the last one. Adulthood is a state of being where an individual is completely dependent on no one else but themselves. Adulthood means making your own decisions, and sticking by them; it means taking fault for mistakes; solving your own problems, without the help of anyone else; organizing your own life; not relying on anyone else, and etc.

More and more young adults, all over the world, find trouble reaching adulthood. More young adults stay at home past the age of 19, which in the 60s and 70s was quite unorthodox. Few years ago, 33% of unmarried men aged 19-34, and 23% of unmarried women that same age, lived at home. The percentage amount rose since then, and it continues to rise.

There are several reasons found for this problem of young adults leaving their home later. The main problem is quite an obvious one; financial instability, which accounts for 80% of the reasons for late home leaving. Today, it is much harder for a young adult to get a prestige job, in which he will get a decent enough income to be able to support himself. But it is doable! However, it is not only the responsibility of the young adult to learn how to handle adulthood, schools play a major role as well. The schools do not prepare the students enough for life after graduation. Some schools do provide help, but it is not enough to teach an individual full independence. More is needed to be done! In some cases, the parents can be blamed. Those parents who pamper a child till he is in his 20s should definitely be blamed, because by taking care of the child for such a long period of time, does not give him enough ability to learn how to do things on his own. Independence should be taught from an early age.

For example, I consider myself fairly independent, and I thank my parents. Although, of course they take care of me and help me when I do require help, they taught, and still do teach me how to be independent, using small tactics. When I was little, and I would trip and fall, my parents would not run up to me and start hugging and kissing me to make me feel better (like so many parents today do). I would eventually stop crying, I would get up on my own, and would continue walking. Then after, they would treat me, comfort me and make me feel better. Thus teaching me a lesson on how to handle situations on my own, and also giving me the comfort and care I deserve.

In some situations, launching plays an important role in reaching adulthood. Launching is basically moving out of the parents nest, and living on your own. However, in a few cases, living on your own does not necessarily mean that you have reached adulthood. Many young adults who live on their own still rely on their parents. They constantly come back, to have their laundry done, to eat and etc. This is another problem, which circulates throughout families around the world.

Yet another issue that families today face, is the return of Boomerang Kids. The Boomerang Kids are young adults who have moved out to live on their own, but then moved back to their parents home for any period of time. This issue is becoming more and more common, as more young adults return home to live with their parents. In 1995, it was estimated that 27% of all Canadian adults between ages 19-35 have returned back to their parents home. Also, 41% of those individuals have returned home more than once. Today the numbers have increased significantly up to 37%. Financial issues are a main reason for this problem as well. There are also other reasons, such as lack of comfort and support. Without the sugar-coating, that basically means that the young adults missed being taken care of by their parents, and couldnt manage doing things on their own.

What I find interesting is how common this problem has become, that it seems almost normal in our society. It appears as if living on your own is like a luxury that only so few individuals can gain. If this was 1960, every single person over the age of 19 who still lived at home would be considered strange and abnormal. Yet today, it doesnt seem like a big deal at all.

Adulthood will just have to wait.

Resources:

Mitchell, Barbara A., Integrating, Theoretical and Methodological Developments in Homeleaving Research. Vancouver: Family Relations, 2000

Goldscheider, Frances K., Goldscheider, Calvin, The Effects of Childhood Family Structure on Leaving and Returning Home. New York: Journal of Marriage and the Family, 1998

Mitchell, Barbara A., Too Close for Comfort? Parental Assessments of Boomerang Kid Living Arrangements. Canada: Canadian Journal of Sociology, 1998

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i think the guy who wrote this was pretty much right on. its interesting to see statistics to back it up, but its more interesting to see it discussed less casually. most ppl say oh its just kids being stupid and they need to get a job and stick with it. some say oh poor things, whatre we going to do- and then do nothing. some ppl bitch about how back in their day things were different... you know what? theyre right- things were different, but not quite in they way they mean, and this guys article illustrates how things are different now. things are very different now. kids are supplied with emotional blankets everywhere they go, even when i was a kid this was happening, but nowhere near as profuse as it is now and the thing is every generation has had disasters. sure the disasters are different, but theyre still there. one cant possibly differentiate a world war from a police action, from columbine style shootings, from world trade center style terrorist tactics, from anything else. these are all terrible events. no one is worse than the other. everyone lost friends and family in each event. the only difference is now everybody is immediately sent to therapy and counseling, which never used to happen. just like this articles author had to get up from falling as a kid, we all need to get up when we fall. its good to have support when we really need it, but we should try to get up on our own first, so we cant try to learn to cope on our own. its good to try to be self reliant and deal with our issues on our own. it makes us stronger, and thats a good thing and not to be forgotten...