get well soon...

My uncle was been ill recently with a lighter version of what my mother had. So once he was on the mend and could laugh without fear, I sent him a little email that would gratify his sense of humor (by the way, Raul is pronounced rah-ool for added effectiveness of this joke):

Hey Sparky,
This is Ralph from Raul's Hork Emporium. Your chunks came up today during our meeting and we have them on backorder. By the way, the usual brand has been discontinued so we hope that you will accept Barf brand chunks, instead. As soon as those Barf chunks come out, we will give them to you directly. As a consolation for not being able to receive the usual brand, Raul's is prepared to offer a fine porcelain product of your preference. You have a choice between porcelain pedestals and telephones. We can even program the porcelain telephone with a speed dial so you can reach Raul directly for consultation and additional services. We wish we could offer more, but our supplier has come down with dysentery after a ceremonial bathing in the Ganges River with his cow. Fortunately, the cow is fine. Thank you and we hope you will order our Barf chunks again and again.
Regards,
Ralph Yakman

P.S. Remember to keep in mind our catchy motto: if it's gonna be anything it's gonna be Raul or nothin!