unexpected tears...

this week, i was told about the passing of an old family friend. i havent seen her in over a decade, most of which she has been in a rest home (which i barely even recall). my family and her family have been next door neighbors since well before i was born. taking into account recent considerable detachment, i wasn't phased initially when i first heard the news (other than realizing it was rather sad). however within a short while, i found myself tearing up while preparing my meal. i had started digging into old memories...

this woman was good friends with my grandmother. she was a sweet lady and indeed the majority of her family and my family were friends with each other. we have seen many things happen to each other over the years- death, marriage, and birth as well as everything in between. even after i was in my twenties, she was still favoring me as if i were one of her own. you could say she was like a grandmother to me and i enjoyed that very much. i wish i had more opportunities to share time with her.

i have lost several friends and family over the years- teachers, distant relatives, and other family friends. for some reason, i think this loss has struck me harder than all the others; perhaps because she was so personally special to me and nothing had a chance to damage any of those memories. i think it is in that last thought that explains why the tears i couldnt find for my grandmother i had found for this lady. last year, i said goodbye to my grandmother; this year to her, and i know my grandfather wont be living much longer either. i am tired of digging out my funeral clothes to say goodbye...