one of my blogs is completely gone as the site where it was located crapped out and the admin said everything was lost. unfortunately, it was some of my earliest blog work and was possibly the most emotionally impacting work i had written. it had even been given the nickname "mental meatloaf," which was never really explained to me, but i think in all honesty it may've been a back-handed compliment (or just back-handed).
i have plowed through my other blogs, sifted through cross-posts, and i think i may've tapped every original blog-worthy post. of course there's my stumbleupon account, but most of that isn't blogging, however i did transfer the blog-like entries over to here. if there's anything i missed, i'll post it if i come across it. therefore, all posts past this point should be completely new and current.
thanks for reading thus far and i hope to further provide you with quality future reads...
Thursday, January 29, 2009
back-words... just a thought or two...
*** this excerpt accompanied a photo and between the two, i had a fairly strong reaction. btw, the city is called shinjuku. here is the image link: http://www.androniki.com/images/homeless/01-Sinjuku.jpg
November 24, 2008
just a thought or two...
"Homeless in Tokyo - Tokyo
A homeless man in front of the lockers outside Keio department store. Sinjuku is a very busy area with a lot of department stores and a lot of people passing from there every day. While the shops are still open homeless people just wonder around waiting till they close so that they can lay their paper mattresses outside them and sleep. There is usually no interaction between the homeless and people passing by as homeless people don't usually beg and passers by try to ignore their presence. Tokyo, © Androniki Christodoulou"
The way homeless people are treat across the world is much the same. During the Great Depression many people were homeless due to no fault of their own. Sometimes that is still the case. Sometimes I wonder how it would be if ever I were to become homeless. That's why I try to help when I can- even when I haven't had an income. My mother and my great uncle also do what the can, each in their own way (she gives food and he is a minister at a homeless shelter). I know charity begins at home first, but sometimes I feel like my poverty may be a king's wealth to another, so I try to help when it doesn't absolutely break me because I, too, am usually hurting for money. I would be one of those people, silently hurting, never asking for help. To be in such a position is embarrassing enough as it is without having to as for help as well...
November 24, 2008
just a thought or two...
"Homeless in Tokyo - Tokyo
A homeless man in front of the lockers outside Keio department store. Sinjuku is a very busy area with a lot of department stores and a lot of people passing from there every day. While the shops are still open homeless people just wonder around waiting till they close so that they can lay their paper mattresses outside them and sleep. There is usually no interaction between the homeless and people passing by as homeless people don't usually beg and passers by try to ignore their presence. Tokyo, © Androniki Christodoulou"
The way homeless people are treat across the world is much the same. During the Great Depression many people were homeless due to no fault of their own. Sometimes that is still the case. Sometimes I wonder how it would be if ever I were to become homeless. That's why I try to help when I can- even when I haven't had an income. My mother and my great uncle also do what the can, each in their own way (she gives food and he is a minister at a homeless shelter). I know charity begins at home first, but sometimes I feel like my poverty may be a king's wealth to another, so I try to help when it doesn't absolutely break me because I, too, am usually hurting for money. I would be one of those people, silently hurting, never asking for help. To be in such a position is embarrassing enough as it is without having to as for help as well...
back-words... joke...
September 20, 2008
joke...
here is an old favorite joke of mine. i told it years ago and recently had a chance to tell it again, so i thought i would share...
There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story?
Well, you just can't kill two birds with one stone...
joke...
here is an old favorite joke of mine. i told it years ago and recently had a chance to tell it again, so i thought i would share...
There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story?
Well, you just can't kill two birds with one stone...
back-words... recipe...
September 19, 2008
recipe...
Congo Bars
Makes about 15 dozen
Cashews, hazelnuts, walnuts, almonds, or pecans are all fine substitutes
for the macadamia nuts.
6 cups macadamia nuts
1 one-pound box graham crackers
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
10 ounces bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1.5 cups packed sweetened shredded coconut
Caramel for Cookies
1. Preheat oven to 350°. Spread macadamia nuts on a baking sheet, and
bake until golden, about 10 minutes. Set baking sheet on a wire rack to cool.
2. Line an 11-by-18-inch baking pan with parchment paper. Using a food processor or rolling pin, finely crush graham crackers. Place in a medium bowl. Stir in melted butter. Press mixture into the bottom of prepared
baking pan in an even layer. Sprinkle the chocolate over the graham crackers. Sprinkle the coconut over the chocolate. Sprinkle the reserved nuts over the coconut.
3. Using a microwave or double boiler, heat the caramel until liquid. Drizzle caramel over macadamia nuts. Bake until golden, about 20 minutes. Transfer pan to a wire rack to cool. Cut into .75" x 1.25" pieces.
recipe...
Congo Bars
Makes about 15 dozen
Cashews, hazelnuts, walnuts, almonds, or pecans are all fine substitutes
for the macadamia nuts.
6 cups macadamia nuts
1 one-pound box graham crackers
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
10 ounces bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped
1.5 cups packed sweetened shredded coconut
Caramel for Cookies
1. Preheat oven to 350°. Spread macadamia nuts on a baking sheet, and
bake until golden, about 10 minutes. Set baking sheet on a wire rack to cool.
2. Line an 11-by-18-inch baking pan with parchment paper. Using a food processor or rolling pin, finely crush graham crackers. Place in a medium bowl. Stir in melted butter. Press mixture into the bottom of prepared
baking pan in an even layer. Sprinkle the chocolate over the graham crackers. Sprinkle the coconut over the chocolate. Sprinkle the reserved nuts over the coconut.
3. Using a microwave or double boiler, heat the caramel until liquid. Drizzle caramel over macadamia nuts. Bake until golden, about 20 minutes. Transfer pan to a wire rack to cool. Cut into .75" x 1.25" pieces.
back-words... recipe...
September 19, 2008
recipe...
Martha's CONGO BARS
Martha's version of the Congo Bar varies slightly from traditional
recipes in that she prefers to use Valrhona chocolate chunks instead of
chocolate chips. The fine-quality Valrhona chocolate makes them taste
better than ever.
Congo bars became popular in the 1950s, back when cacao beans were
imported from Central Africa, which, in those days, was known as the
Congo. But bar cookies have been around since at least 1896, when a
recipe for them appeared in that year's edition of the "Fannie Farmer
Cookbook." Bar cookies are just that much quicker to make than drop
cookies, which can mean a world of difference if you're pressed for time
but are still inclined to give your family home-baked cookies. They are
deliciously dense, rich, and moist in the center and perfectly crusty on
top. You can substitute chocolate chips for the Valrhona, if you like,
and you can use walnuts, almonds, or peanuts instead of the pecans.
CONGO BARS
Makes 18 two-and-one-quarter-inch bars
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
8 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature, plus more for
buttering the baking dish
1 1/2 cups dark brown sugar, firmly packed
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 large eggs
1 cup pecans, coarsely chopped
2 1/2 cups (12 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate, finely chopped
Vegetable oil spray for spreading dough
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly butter a 9x13" glass baking
dish, reserving butter wrapper. Set aside. Sift together the flour,
baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
2. Using a wooden spoon, beat butter and sugar in a medium bowl until
light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add vanilla and eggs, one at a time,
mixing well after each addition. Add sifted flour mixture, and mix until
just combined. Add chopped nuts and chocolate, and mix to combine.
3. Place the dough in the prepared baking dish. Using the reserved butter wrapper, spread dough evenly. Bake until golden brown and a cake tester comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Remove to rack to cool slightly before cutting, about 20 minutes. Using a serrated knife, cut into 18 2 1/4-by-3-inch bars. Store in an airtight container up to 3 days.
recipe...
Martha's CONGO BARS
Martha's version of the Congo Bar varies slightly from traditional
recipes in that she prefers to use Valrhona chocolate chunks instead of
chocolate chips. The fine-quality Valrhona chocolate makes them taste
better than ever.
Congo bars became popular in the 1950s, back when cacao beans were
imported from Central Africa, which, in those days, was known as the
Congo. But bar cookies have been around since at least 1896, when a
recipe for them appeared in that year's edition of the "Fannie Farmer
Cookbook." Bar cookies are just that much quicker to make than drop
cookies, which can mean a world of difference if you're pressed for time
but are still inclined to give your family home-baked cookies. They are
deliciously dense, rich, and moist in the center and perfectly crusty on
top. You can substitute chocolate chips for the Valrhona, if you like,
and you can use walnuts, almonds, or peanuts instead of the pecans.
CONGO BARS
Makes 18 two-and-one-quarter-inch bars
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
8 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature, plus more for
buttering the baking dish
1 1/2 cups dark brown sugar, firmly packed
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 large eggs
1 cup pecans, coarsely chopped
2 1/2 cups (12 ounces) semi-sweet chocolate, finely chopped
Vegetable oil spray for spreading dough
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly butter a 9x13" glass baking
dish, reserving butter wrapper. Set aside. Sift together the flour,
baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
2. Using a wooden spoon, beat butter and sugar in a medium bowl until
light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add vanilla and eggs, one at a time,
mixing well after each addition. Add sifted flour mixture, and mix until
just combined. Add chopped nuts and chocolate, and mix to combine.
3. Place the dough in the prepared baking dish. Using the reserved butter wrapper, spread dough evenly. Bake until golden brown and a cake tester comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Remove to rack to cool slightly before cutting, about 20 minutes. Using a serrated knife, cut into 18 2 1/4-by-3-inch bars. Store in an airtight container up to 3 days.
back-words... recipe...
September 19, 2008
recipe...
Raspberry Cheesecake Brownies
brownie batter:
4 ounces fine-quality bittersweet chocolate, chopped
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
3/4 teaspoons salt
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
cheesecake topping:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
2/3 cup sugar
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups raspberries
1 tablespoon sugar
confectioners sugar, for sprinkling Brownies (optional)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Butter and flour a 13" x 9" baking pan.
Make brownie batter:
In a metal bowl set over a pan of barely simmering water melt chocolate with butter stirring, and cool. Whisk in sugar and eggs, 1 at a time, and whisk in vanilla and salt. Whisk in flour until just combined and spread batter evenly in prepared pan.
Make cheesecake topping:
In a bowl with an electric mixer cream together cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy and beat in lemon juice, egg, vanilla, and salt. Beat in flour and spread mixture in an even layer over batter. Scatter raspberries over topping and sprinkle with sugar.
Bake brownies in middle of oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until top is puffed and pale golden and a tester comes out with crumbs adhering to it. Cool brownies completely in pan on a rack and chill, covered, at least 6 hours or overnight. Cut brownies into bars and sprinkle with confectioners sugar.
recipe...
Raspberry Cheesecake Brownies
brownie batter:
4 ounces fine-quality bittersweet chocolate, chopped
2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, chopped
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
1 1/4 cups sugar
3 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
3/4 teaspoons salt
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
cheesecake topping:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
2/3 cup sugar
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups raspberries
1 tablespoon sugar
confectioners sugar, for sprinkling Brownies (optional)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Butter and flour a 13" x 9" baking pan.
Make brownie batter:
In a metal bowl set over a pan of barely simmering water melt chocolate with butter stirring, and cool. Whisk in sugar and eggs, 1 at a time, and whisk in vanilla and salt. Whisk in flour until just combined and spread batter evenly in prepared pan.
Make cheesecake topping:
In a bowl with an electric mixer cream together cream cheese and sugar until light and fluffy and beat in lemon juice, egg, vanilla, and salt. Beat in flour and spread mixture in an even layer over batter. Scatter raspberries over topping and sprinkle with sugar.
Bake brownies in middle of oven for 35 to 40 minutes, or until top is puffed and pale golden and a tester comes out with crumbs adhering to it. Cool brownies completely in pan on a rack and chill, covered, at least 6 hours or overnight. Cut brownies into bars and sprinkle with confectioners sugar.
back-words... funeral...
*** i wrote this after 10pm. it was a hell of a day. since my dog, pogo, has separation anxiety due to being weened from his mother much too early and because i think of him as family, it was my choice to bring him along rather than leave him at home. my great uncle conducted the memorial and funeral services. i wasn't allowed in with pogo and i wasn't going to leave him in the car alone. so we stood outside of the chapel while the memorial service was conducted. later we went to the plot where the funeral service itself was conducted. there was no wake; the casket was closed. there was no tombstone present at the time; it wasn't ready yet. afterward some cemetery authorities shooed us away rudely several times. we couldn't even see her lowered into the ground. i had wanted to light incense at her grave, but circumstances didn't allow for it then.
since then, i have slowly eased my way back into doing things. some things still remain. i had been researching buying a new car to replace my current 14 year old car, but that will have to wait even longer. i had also looked into schools to resume and complete education so i could make a career shift/adjustment, but at this point i'm not sure if its time to resume that effort quite yet since i scratched the other cornea this month. i have resumed studying japanese, but i need to study more diligently.
time is no longer on my side for certain things, and yet i still feel like i need more time. i always felt more comfortable about moving on when there is nothing left to leave behind, but it's hard to move on when you are also leaving things behind. what concretely marks a point of separation/moving on, or is there even such a point in every situation? lately i think maybe such a point doesn't always exist and you have to make one for yourself while forging your way. i think maybe that has always been a difficult thing for me to do.
July 25, 2008
funeral...
today was my grandmother's funeral. it was a difficult day for many in different ways. i came home and crashed afterward yet i am still tired... tomorrow my family celebrates my uncle's birthday early before he and my cousin leave town to return home. i should find some time to talk to her since we almost never have that opportunity. next week, i should think about easing my way back into life and routine again. what a long strange trip its been...
since then, i have slowly eased my way back into doing things. some things still remain. i had been researching buying a new car to replace my current 14 year old car, but that will have to wait even longer. i had also looked into schools to resume and complete education so i could make a career shift/adjustment, but at this point i'm not sure if its time to resume that effort quite yet since i scratched the other cornea this month. i have resumed studying japanese, but i need to study more diligently.
time is no longer on my side for certain things, and yet i still feel like i need more time. i always felt more comfortable about moving on when there is nothing left to leave behind, but it's hard to move on when you are also leaving things behind. what concretely marks a point of separation/moving on, or is there even such a point in every situation? lately i think maybe such a point doesn't always exist and you have to make one for yourself while forging your way. i think maybe that has always been a difficult thing for me to do.
July 25, 2008
funeral...
today was my grandmother's funeral. it was a difficult day for many in different ways. i came home and crashed afterward yet i am still tired... tomorrow my family celebrates my uncle's birthday early before he and my cousin leave town to return home. i should find some time to talk to her since we almost never have that opportunity. next week, i should think about easing my way back into life and routine again. what a long strange trip its been...
back-words... still dealing with death...
*** my grandmother's passing was not instantaneous; it was a long and extensive process full of suffering and emotional trauma. the day they took her off life support proved to not give her a peaceful death. instead, her body struggled, but wasn't strong enough to keep her alive on its own. my mother suffered the worst of all my family members. its ironic because she and my grandmother weren't close at all, but they had made their peace in the end, so that changed how she would feel about things. she continued to stay at the apartment for a bit longer, but eventually came back home...
July 8, 2008
still dealing with death...
i'm slowly getting back into stumbling again, with the help of a few precious friends. My grandmother's funeral won't be til the end of the month, so i'm kinda holding off on life's guilty little pleasures- to some extent... once that has come to pass, i feel like then i can get back on track with things i withdrew from shortly before she passed away.
on an additional lighter note, my grandfather is out of the hospital and his pneumonia is starting to clear up. i am glad he didn't throw in the towel upon my grandmother's death. we know he doesn't have much time left in this world due to an incurable longterm illness which he has had for decades, but we aim to make him as comfortable as possible while he is still here. after all, the point is he should be happy...
July 8, 2008
still dealing with death...
i'm slowly getting back into stumbling again, with the help of a few precious friends. My grandmother's funeral won't be til the end of the month, so i'm kinda holding off on life's guilty little pleasures- to some extent... once that has come to pass, i feel like then i can get back on track with things i withdrew from shortly before she passed away.
on an additional lighter note, my grandfather is out of the hospital and his pneumonia is starting to clear up. i am glad he didn't throw in the towel upon my grandmother's death. we know he doesn't have much time left in this world due to an incurable longterm illness which he has had for decades, but we aim to make him as comfortable as possible while he is still here. after all, the point is he should be happy...
back-words... dealing with death...
*** this was posted to stumbleupon, hence "stumbling." my grandfather has been in and out of the hospital a couple more times since then with the same problems. the help isn't helpful and i think they will be replaced, or at least they should have been when things started to disappear from my grandparent's apartment at the facility. my grandmother's funeral was july 25th, 3 days before my uncle's birthday and less than a month before my mother's birthday. her passing was less than a month after my grandfather's and cousin's birthdays. everything has moved on to some extent since then and yet it also hasn't. most of the family has been permanently affected in some way to this loss. i, for one, never got to prove to her that i am not a failure, as she once deemed me to be. i hope i show some sign of change to my grandfather before he passes. mostly it doesn't matter to me anymore. i finally made peace with those sorts of issues long ago...
June 23, 2008
dealing with death...
i just figured maybe i should drop a blog since i havent really been stumbling for a while... my grandmother's health has been getting worse over the last few months and she finally passed away tuesday, june 3, 2008 at 7:00 pm, est. her services will be in late july. since then my grandfather's health has significantly deteriorated. it seems maybe he has given up on life. he is in the hospital with pneumonia- a kind that can be fatal to people either in his age range or with his kind of medical condition. as he has both counting against him, this is a very serious situation. he has also recently lost control of his mental faculties and in their place, is dementia, hallucinations, and memory issues which all seemingly transpired over night. its possible that it will clear up when the pneumonia is gone, but there are no guarantees. he also has a wound on his ankle which hasnt healed for over a year even with skin grafts and now the doctors are discussing amputation. the remainder of my family is at odds with each other. i feel alone more than ever and have postponed most things until life gets better, which includes stumbling. i hope to be back soon...
June 23, 2008
dealing with death...
i just figured maybe i should drop a blog since i havent really been stumbling for a while... my grandmother's health has been getting worse over the last few months and she finally passed away tuesday, june 3, 2008 at 7:00 pm, est. her services will be in late july. since then my grandfather's health has significantly deteriorated. it seems maybe he has given up on life. he is in the hospital with pneumonia- a kind that can be fatal to people either in his age range or with his kind of medical condition. as he has both counting against him, this is a very serious situation. he has also recently lost control of his mental faculties and in their place, is dementia, hallucinations, and memory issues which all seemingly transpired over night. its possible that it will clear up when the pneumonia is gone, but there are no guarantees. he also has a wound on his ankle which hasnt healed for over a year even with skin grafts and now the doctors are discussing amputation. the remainder of my family is at odds with each other. i feel alone more than ever and have postponed most things until life gets better, which includes stumbling. i hope to be back soon...
back-words... jung at heart...
*** there will definitely be more on this later. i have about 4 different results on the jung myers briggs personality test- most saying i, not e, but i am sure i feel a little e in me...
April 9, 2008
jung at heart...
why i dont test the same every time, i dont know. however i do have my suspicions the tests just arent adequate enough to fine tune the gray areas- now jung says im an enfj, however i know while i may have occasional social tendencies, i vastly prefer remaining home. go figure- an introverted former raver who still works with music...
April 9, 2008
jung at heart...
why i dont test the same every time, i dont know. however i do have my suspicions the tests just arent adequate enough to fine tune the gray areas- now jung says im an enfj, however i know while i may have occasional social tendencies, i vastly prefer remaining home. go figure- an introverted former raver who still works with music...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
